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BEFORE
"Welcome to the
Directory One Web Site. Your source for value in
Domain
Registration, Web Hosting
Services (From Web Pages to Dedicated Servers),
Web
Site Design, Web
Site Promotion (Search Engine Optimization), E-Mail
Services, Internet Training, and Internet Technical Support.
If you are a
small to medium size business, and you are not profiting from
the Internet, then you should contact Directory One at
800-477-1324. We can probably help you. If you are making
money on the net then we can help you increase your current
revenue stream with our search engine
optimization services. Most companies that have
websites are not profiting from the Internet. This is a
reversible situation in most cases. Most of the companies we
represent profit from their experience with us. Follow this
link to our references page. References"
Copywriting Analysis: The
first sentence is not strong or
informative. It states the
obvious. The wording 'your source for
value' in the second sentence makes the site
sound cheesy. The second paragraph is
not confident enough. Avoid phrases
like 'probably' and 'reversible in most
cases' when trying to sell a
product. The last sentence uses
'follow this link' to introduce a
hyperlink. Whenever possible, links
should flow seamlessly with the text, and
the reference to the link should not be explicitly
stated.
AFTER
"Are
you tired of having a website
that no one sees and no one
uses? Without the right
marketing campaign and the right
goals, your website is nothing
more than a fancy Internet
brochure--something to put on
the bottom of a business card
and forget about.
Your
website is not supposed to drift around in cybersea,
satisfied with a half-dozen, half-interested visitors.
Your website is supposed to work. It's supposed to
sell your product or service. It's supposed to make
people call you. It's supposed to make people buy.
Our
goal at Directory One is to help the owners of small- and
medium-sized businesses profit from the Internet. Whether
you already have a website and would like to make it more
lucrative or you are building a website for the first time,
Directory One will provide a cost-effective web development
solution for your business. "
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