BEFORE
"Welcome
to the Nick's Place web site. We have developed this web site
to allow you to get to know our products and services a bit
better, as well as make all of our information available to
you 24 hours a day.
We are the best sports bar in Southwest Houston. This
neighborhood sports bar features great Italian food, homemade
pizzas, pasta, sandwiches and salads with over 20 televisions
and all the sports packages TV has to offer, you are sure to
enjoy your visit.
We open daily from 11:00am - 2:00am. Come in and enjoy this
lively casual sports bar!
We have put together this site with an easy to use interface
and will continue to improve your online experience, if you
have any feedback you would like to give us on the site or
have any questions whatsoever feel free to email us
nicksplc@swbell.net
or give us a call at 713-780-8338"
Copywriting Analysis: Most
of the homepage focuses on the obvious:
the website was made to provide online
information. The homepage fails to
convey a fun and light tone appropriate for
a bar. There are several run-on
sentences.
AFTER
"At
Nick’s Place, everyone feels at home!
Looking for a cozy, neighborhood atmosphere, pizza, beer
and sports? You’ve found it. Kick-back in front of our 35
TV’s, enjoy drinks from our fully-stocked bar and eat
awesome Italian food from our extensive menu. We’re
connected to satellite, Direct TV and cable, and subscribe to
sports packages galore so we’re sure to have your game on.
Looking for more? Play free shuffleboard, free NTN trivia,
and get free high-speed Internet access any day of the week.
Play pool, Golden Tee Golf or enter our Monday-night QB1
competition.
Drop by for Happy Hour, Monday through Friday: 11am-7pm or
check out our daily food and drink specials.
Since 1993, our guests have found a home-away-from-home at
Nick’s Place. Come check us out and become part of the
family."
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